Healing the Scapegoat Complex in Karen Tintori's Unto the Daughters by Louisa Calio

"In her brilliant book Truth or Dare, the poet, philosopher-feminist Starhawk, explores the emerging feminine voice and its language of feeling after two thousand years of authoritarian patriarchy, as well as the terrors that needed to be faced and conquered after generations of silence and isolation.  In the Chapter "Finding a Voice: Breaking the Censor's Silence” Starhawk writes, "The powerful weapon of the Censor is to deny actual events and paralyze us so eventually we forget or repress what happens." [i] The resulting loss is immeasurable, especially when the censor has been internalized as it has been in traditional cultures. If we are never told about an ancestor, who may have broken with convention, or broken the rules or laws of their time, or as in the case of Unto the Daughters been murdered by her brothers, we are denied a greater understanding of ourselves and our true history. 

Families share patterns, but when we are kept from the truth of our family patterns, as a result of repression, shame and authoritarian rule, we subtly internalize a self hate and a tendency to perpetuate the same. "To be silenced is to be kept isolated...Breaking our silence releases us. When others know the worst about us, and accept us, we can believe we are truly valued. "[ii] Truth or Dare

Karen Tintori dared to search for and reveal the truth of her family’s and her own story in Unto the Daughters, a powerfully written memoir of discovery and recreation of her lost ancestor, Francesca Costa, who was erased from her family’s history after being brutally murdered by her brothers and discarded in the waters off Belle Isle in the Detroit River in 1919. The author, Karen, whose very act of uncovering the truth and publicly sharing it, calls forth the power of story telling to heal our past and ourselves also tells us her own story and struggle, as a Sicilian American daughter and writer, who despite being raised in contemporary America, would lose connection with her disapproving relations."

So begins Louisa Calio's thoughtful, well-researched exploration of scapegoating, secrets, silences in relationship to the book of my heart, the story of my great-aunt Francesca, a woman who had been lost to history -- a scapegoat. I invite you to read the entirety of her insightful and important essay at Louisa Calio LinkedIn. She has much to share.

I am deeply honored by Louisa's conclusion to her thoughtful and well-researched essay:

"By Tintori’s courageous act of commitment to recreate Frances’ tale, we witness a movement from power over and its denial to reconciliation and more space for honesty in our Italian American community and an ever expanding body of work upon which we can all stand.

Lucia Chiavola Birnbaum in her book, The Future has an Ancient Heart, writes “in forming this story has been my hope that in trying to tell or write a truthful story in a world manipulated into violence by untruths, I am working toward a more equal and therefore more just world.” 

I believe Unto the Daughters has achieved this."

Louisa and I met fourteen years ago when she introduced herself after my Unto the Daughters reading at the John D. Calandra Italian American Institute in New York City. Of her many award-winning works, my favorite still remains her memoir in poetry, Journey to the Heartwaters. You can purchase this memorable and evocative book by clicking here.

 Louisa Calio-- poet, writer, performer, photo artist

 

Ovunque Siamo's Stephanie Longo Reviews Unto the Daughters

Many thanks to Stephanie Longo and Ovunque Siamo for the generous praise in her review of Unto The Daughters, which reads, in part:

"This book should be required reading in any Italian-American History class, as well as anyone wishing to study the female’s role in the Italian family. This book, while not an exercise in journalism, could also prove beneficial to students of the craft as Ms. Tintori’s prior training in the field served her well while untangling her great-aunt’s mystery."

"Unto the Daughters proves that all stories of our ancestors deserve to be told, the good, the bad and the ugly…and perhaps that is Francesca Costa’s legacy to us all."

You can read Longo's entire review here.

If you are an educator using Unto the Daughters in your curriculum, I would love to know. I have visited several classrooms both in person and via Skype. Grazie tanto. 

 

Book Clubs Rule

There is nothing like a Book Club, and the one I currently read with is small and phenomenal. The extent to which our exceptional leader researches the authors, locations, incidents, concurrent world history, and nonfiction characters never ceases to amaze us. Her dining room table is a tableau straight from the book, leaving just enough room for the potluck dinner we bring. Recipes derived from the book, of course. The first one to use the powder room insists the rest of us go to check out the quotes or photos rimming the mirror set above the pedestal sink and those that our hostess has taped onto the back of the bathroom door, which faces the commode.

Over the years, I have been lucky to have been a guest at numerous book clubs in the Metropolitan Detroit area. Many, like mine, share lunch or dinner before the discussion, each member bringing a dish mentioned in the book. Next to fan mail, Amazon and Goodreads reviews, sharing several hours with my readers is the most inspiring and uplifting way to feed my muse.

Writing is a solitary and brain-wracking task. Many authors often take a year to write the book that you might read in one sitting. Day after day, it's just us and our keyboards or legal pads and pens. We slog on, often with no feedback other than from that pesky little editor on our shoulders. The one we should ignore. The solitariness is the main reason I love opportunities to share time with my readers, whether in person, by phone or Skype. I've been honored and amazed to hear from you that you've devoured my books -- especially Unto the Daughters -- in one fell swoop. There is no greater joy for an author than to hear that.  During book club visits, I usually share some backstory on the book the club has just read and then suggest that they "do their thing" as if I wasn't there. Some ask me to lead the discussion, but most allow me the joy of being the spider on the wall listening in. I welcome comments and criticism. Constructive criticism was a lesson learned in grade school under the tutelage of the Dominican nuns who sparked my love of writing. How else can I learn to better my craft than by listening to the honest assessment of my work by people who love to read?

While I have forgotten to take photos with many book clubs over the years, mainly because we've been so engrossed in talking books that I forget to get a group shot, I do have some memories to share. If I have visited with your club and you have photos that are missing from my collection, please email them to me and I'll be happy to add them here. Of course, I have no group photos from clubs with whom I have visited by Skype or by phone, but am always eager to chime in if your meeting date is clear on my calendar. Please reach out and let's talk books!

Currently, my group is reading A Day in June by Marisa Labozzetta -- and I'm dithering about whether to make something Italian or something Jewish for book club. (I ended up making aglio olio -- recipe in my Blog.)

Happy reading!